I'm at this stage of my life

Right now, at this phase of my life, I'm on work placement. I earn money, I live in a nice apartment (for now). I can literally do whatever I want. I am well off financially (relatively)

Yet,

I'm still empty. I feel like my life is rather meaningless now. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing, only social and work pressure.

I need Jesus

Other people go back to their house from work got family, kids, girlfriend, friends etc

Me? I go back home from work, only to be alone and lonely again. No friends, no, nothing.

I remember vividly, 10 years ago, I yearn to listen to Jay Chou songs, unlimited.
I remember vividly, 10 years ago, I yearn to grow long hair.

Now, I sien already, I can listen to every jay chou song anytime, but I sien
Now, I sien of my long hair, because need to maintain, Hair gel etc

Right now, I yearn for a partner lol, but that's only because I'm lonely
Someday, I will sien of my wife and kids, someday
Sad

It's funny, it's like my life is getting better and worse at the same time.
Good - I actually can work at my own pace, listen to any music I want during work. And I come back to a nice apartment, a nice meal, and I can watch any movie I want. Freedom
Bad - In Social life, it's deteriorating. I screwed up. Lonely and sad. But who can I admit it to?  I don't have close friends at work. At most are only acquaintances. Everyday, I'm afraid to socialize. I just want to be alone, which made me feel comfortable

Someday I'll miss my placement. I need to enjoy it. I don't know how but I need to.