Forced positivity

What I'm feeling:
Loneliness, it struck me
I put on a fake smile everyday, thinking everything is fine. Hoping people will see I'm living the good life.
By the way I'm a living a life physically where many people dream of: not worrrying about food and money, studying in UK, travelling etc
I'm actual fact, emotionally, I'm battered. It's the best and worst time of my life thus far. There's an emptiness, a void, a hole in my heart.
I understand that Holy Spirit could fill that void, but then again psychologically, I'm not balanced. I'm in the border of depression.
The void only grew bigger and bigger; what used to satisfy me no longer do so. What used to excite me no longer do so.

What I should do
Look at the positive side! Choose to remember the good stuff! Everything is going to be ok! Clear skies after rain! All these are temporal! Appreciate what you have!!!! Be thankful!

What I actually did
I allowed negative emotions a foot hole, why? Because that how I'm being hones with myself, not lying to myself about how I actually felt. Every night, I ponder upon things , things I should be doing, but I didn't. Every night, I thought about how much I actually have back in first and second year, which I don't have now. I'm afraid that what I have in third year now willl be taken away sooner or later. Sad, but hey that's how life works. Day by day, we grow stronger through the pain, in the end, what matters is the character that we cultivated