No Friend

Go ahead and laugh at this. I admit I'm super immature to think like this. Go ahead, laugh.

I got no friend in Uni. Most of the time I am alone. Why I don't stick to someone? I tried that before and it end up in catastrophe. I don't want my life or time to be bounded by someone else. I just want to do things in my convenience. However, I have to come to a point where I have to accept the consequences of one-man-show life. But is there a balance between self and social life? I'm sure there is. I am still learning to achieve the state where I am "individualistic yet socialized, socialized yet individualistic". This learning process is called "growing up to maturity".

Deep down I am lonely. I need a friend whom I can relate to. I am sure God has placed many wonderful people around me. I just have to adjust my selfish personality. In fact, I don't consider myself as a good friend. Only God can change me. I mean, my concept is that when I get too attached to a clique, most probably I will have to compromise some "value" to continue the stickiness. The ideal situation is that I can find a clique who has the same (or almost) interest and value in life. What's the point of hanging out with so many "friends" just to tell the whole world that "hey look I got so many friends, I'm not a loner, I'm popular, I'm accepted". In the end, if I felt that I'm not myself in the friendship, what's the point? Until I realise/found/revelation a strong friendship, I think I'm gonna be alone.

Yet, I have some people whom I can look to in troubles. I am so selfish that they only exist when I needed help.