Fear

Somehow I am fearful for the next semester. Yes it is funny for the future-me to read this post. I am just letting out what I'm feeling now.

I feel so alone honestly. Yet, I don't dare to make friends because so far nobody can "clique" with me. My CNY, honestly, is boring. But at least I got my car licence and get to spend time with granny.

I just don't know what will happen this coming semester. Sure, I am never the same again. I feel so alone when seeing my coursemates hanging out or doing stuff together. I never felt belong here. But God in his grace and mercy gave me good memories for the past 2 semesters. I just thank God for making me a good friend to others around me (if I am)

It's all about character isn't it. Put a good-character person in a shitty environment, and he will make it wonderful. No matter how good the situation is, if the person has bad character, shit will just turn out.
So, i know I can choose to be happy. Life is nothing but memories, at least that what i think. So I guess i'd just forget about the bad memories, remembering only the good?

I know friends are extremely important. But from my point of view, what's the point of making "friends" out of obligation to survive? What's the point of making "friends" which are not really friends at all. So far, I have a lot of acquaintances, but only a handful of person whom I can talk and trust to. Yet, I think my brainwave doesn't suit everyone easily. I'd just hold on to the values.

So I told myself: It's okay or it's expected for me to be alone, lonely and bored the whole semester. But by God's grace, I shall be victorious, more than a conqueror. Well, every relationship is temporal. Friends will come and go. Death will be the ultimate separator. What to do? Cherish the best out of every friendship/relationship, yet to ready to move one once the season is over. Not easy. But that's what life taught me.

I'm just getting tired. Thank God for a good semester result. I will aim for the best this coming semester. Well, it's gonna be out of my expectation.

Somehow I'm longing for a relationship, a type of friend that i can relate to, a type of friend whom I can be frank with. I know Jesus is my true friend. Yet, in worldly sense, I felt empty. There's a longing for a deep relationship with someone, who I can love. Yes, it sounds super desperate. But i super hate hypocrisy. It's like a yeast in a dough, affecting the whole thing. Yup, God will arrange my life, according to his will, in perfect timing. His works are amazing! He is to be praised forever, for he is King of Kings. So, I'd just lift up my puny life to him for his glory.