Monday 24 December 2012

Oh my

Haiz... I am down. Very down

better express this out than to keep this in my heart, though it may sounds funny and ridiculous.

Well, erm i am 17 years old. This world is governed by relativity. Am I old? Yup if you are a small kid. Am I young? Yup if you are my granpa

So, am I mature enough to handle life after SPM? Yup if you are my junior. No if you are my parents or senior.

I just hope that I am ready to face the world. I am tired to held on to this facade of maturity. Inside I have a tumult mind. I wanted to get silly. But I know I just cant do that. I am waiting to blow up. In the end, I myself is suffering.

I just need an environment where I can be myself, regardless what ppl say. Go ahead and say that I am still immature because I am indeed! Yet, the cost of immaturity is heavy. Oh my please help me I m stuck!

How I wish I can shut down my mind from thinking too much. Thinking too much do more harm than good

Sunday 23 December 2012

Haiz

yes i am immature.
 God can train me to be mature.

 But the cost of maturity is heavy. Many wanted to achieve maturity without going thru the painful process. But when we think of the consequences of immaturity, the cost of maturity does pay off.

When I was a child, I think like a child, wanting to please myself all the time. When I grow up, I think like a grown man, taking care of others more than myself. A sacrifice isn't it?

We go thru pains to become a better person. We gain maturity in the process so that we can bear with the immaturity of the young. Maturity means giving more than receiving. It takes time to nurture these traits in fact.

What am I doing? I once thinking of manipulating my frens for my own importance. In the end, I found myself alone. I am a bad person. God turned me around. I became more considerate to my classmates. Immaturity had spoiled friendships. But maturity forged strong bonds.

well, i hope i am mature enough to take care of myself, parents, siblings and dearest friends. They do not deserve to suffer just because of my immaturity.

My feelings #cathartic

So, I have not been seeing my classmates for like almost 2 months

I missed them alot.
Hm I usually lied that I dont have a crush, but indeed I do

I know, infatuation cant go anywhere but failure

So i promised myself to become mature before involving in a relationship. I wanted to cherish a girl. I dont want to be volatile, inconsiderate, bad tempered, immature or emotionally unstable.

Yet all these traits flow in my blood, doesnt it? ever since the fall of Man, we are subjected to all kinds of bad personality. Only God can change us.

Why I so fast jealous? I mean, we wont be seeing each other again. But why do i harbour envy when i saw pictures of her with other guys on facebook? okay I am very very immature. That's why I am not ready for a relationship. I don't want my girlfriend to suffer. She deserve alot more better. A good relationship strengthens each other, not draining out both sides' energy.

But when I am immature, I did alot alot of stupid things. Now I had to bear the consequences. It was so shameful and awkward!! How I wish it never happen!! Anyway I hope these experience will give me wisdom for further relationships.

Based on what I observed, immaturity is a main problem in a relationship. Mostly it occurs on boys. Guys want appreciation and praise. Girls want to feel loved and treasured. With both sides demanding and neither sides giving in, quarrels occurs. In the end, they broke up.

I had a classmate who broke up just because he is immature. He was not ready, he just wanted to show off. In the end, the girl suffers, the guy humiliated.

Better to be single than to be in a shallow relationship. Don't get into a relationship before you are mature enough to handle all the pain. Relationship basically is 1% honeymoon and 99% endurance. In the end, we have a 100% perfect relationship which is born out of imperfection.

Yup, I guess I am not ready yet, Maybe I will be single for life, who knows? But God had much greater plan for me. He is arranging the right time and the right girl to show up. Yes, trust in him and everything will be fine, although it seems otherwise.

Well, for the girl of my dream, my infatuation embarrassed me, but I deserved it very much! Be happy!! haha

Tuesday 4 December 2012

over!

shit is over! i have finished SPM! Now wait for the result only

Praise God for his guidance over these horrendous month. Without him, i can not do anything but stress

well, thank God for his mercy, all glory to him !!