Identity Crisis

I am a Malaysian Chinese. I am the fourth generation of chinese in Malaysia. My great-grandparents are from China. According to my grandpa reocrds, I'm the 23th generation of the family, tracing our family origins back to the 10th century in the Song Dynasty of China. My great-grandfather is from Guangdong province of China, My great-grandfather of my mother's side is from Fujian province of China, My grandmother of my father's side came to North Borneo (modern day Sabah, Malaysia) during the WW2 to escape the japanese occupation in China. I am born and raised in Sabah since then. Hence, I am a pure chinese, pure Malaysian,

What makes a Malaysian Chinese distinct from other Asian faces? I understand that we all look the same. And yes, not many people realized the variation between the chinese speaking community. Grouping all chinese into the same category is like grouping all Europeans into the same category, including French, English, German, Russian..etc. That would make a huge debate isn't it? As for example Germans will never wanted to be identified as ethnicity as the French people. Thus, it will not be a nice thing to do to assume that all chinese acts and behave the same way, although most people do that.

Malaysian Chinese:
1. Speaks Malay, English, and some Chinese dialaects including Hakka, Cantonese, Hokkien, FuChou, Teochew, Hainan..etc. Some Malaysian Chinese don't know the chinese language at all, we call them "Banana" (Yellow Asian coloured skin, but white caucasian inside)

2. Have better English proficiency (We were once British colony). But our English is fondly called "Manglish" (Malaysian English) or "Singlish"(Singaporean English) as it is a English Creole with a mixture of Malay, Indian Chinese words in it.

3. Loves Malay, Indian, and Chinese food of all kinds.

4. Great exposure to multicultural environment as Malaysian population comprises of Malays, Chinese, Indians, and various local tribes. And hence, we are exposed to various religion mainly Islam, Christian, Buddhist, Hinduism,..etc and also Atheism!

5. Love our country Malaysia, love our multi-ethnic friends, but most likely to speak out against the government critically in certain government policies.

My thoughts
I am now studying in the UK. Most people thought that I'm from Hong Kong or Mainland China. But hey, chinese are everywhere! I'm from Malaysia. When I say I'm a Malaysian, they'll think that I'm a Muslim Malay. No, I'm Malaysian Chinese, to be more specific, a Malaysian with chinese ethnicity. No, I can't really relate to the Hong Kongers, I don't identify with the Mainland Chinese. Our cultures and upbringing are totally different. Malaysian Chinese are genuinely different, and sometimes I felt insulted when they think I'm from Mainland China, given the bad reputation of Mainland Chinese tourist generated,
No, I don't have problem at all to understand English. Just because Mainland Chinese struggled with English doesn't mean that we Malaysian Chinese will do the same. Our English is way better than what you expect. (Call me proud but this is generally true). There is one occasion where the church speaker said that he will speak slower to accommodate my poor English skills. Hey, that's an insult! I understand you just fine.,,but I don't blame them because most Mainland Chinese and Hong Kongers have bad English skills.
To a certain point, I lose my confidence, thinking that all white British people will just group me together with other Mainland Chinese. That's a pretty bad reputation actually given that Mainland Chinese are notorious for their bad tourist behavior, tarnishing the image of Asian faces. But it's not fair to the Mainland Chinese as they are actually kind people, just a bit loud, dirty and inconsiderate. But that's fine, it's not their fault for their upbringing. We Malaysian Chinese are no better either.
What will you feel when I say you British are the same as the French? I don't think you will be happy isn't it? But that's fine, we can't identify French from Britons unless we listen to your conversations haha. So, I am trying my best to accept the fact that, unless Britons interact with me, they'll just think that I'm from Mainland China.

Malaysia Dilemma
Dear Malaysia, please don't reject me just because I am of chinese ethnicity. I am born and raised in a typical middle-class Malaysian society, I pay taxes to the Malaysian government. I consider Malaysia as my home, my only home. I love all Malaysians regardless of their belief and skin colour. But some of the policies are not so favorable to us, and force us to look for better opportunity elsewhere, contributing to the brain drain. I would really love to contribute to the Malaysian economy, but now I am indirectly forced to search for "greener grass" outside of Malaysia, which made me very very sad. I have no idea of my future, really no. But my heart will always be Malaysian, Malaysia boleh.