Friendship and Rejection

Wrote this to express what I feel, will be a nice reference for the future me to understand what the present me thinking right now haha.

I just had a video call with a particular good friend to me from High school from Malayisa. Nice chat and we didn't change at all. So, full of confidence, I asked him to allow me to chat with more people. Eventually I had to accept the truth that not everyone miss me, it's not like I want them to but it's a cold shoulder generally. Only certain very very close friends that I did realyy felt connected to, others are not so. Some even choose to ignore it. Well I don't bkame anyone. I was the one, my attitude and my past wrongs had led me to this. Time and time again I felt guilty.

Then I always reflect upon it (call me the guy who thinks too much).. Life is always about memory isn't it. Bad memories are to be learnt, not to be dwell in it. Good memories are to be cherished. Can I just choose to remember the good? Choose to see the good side out of every bad? Yes, it's a choice, it's always a choice.

Men will never escape from making mistakes. With mistakes, comes cost and consequences, We can choose to learn from it, or we can dwell in the guilt until it becomes a bondage. Nobody really care about our past, it just define who we were and how we had made progress in improving ourselves.

I always have this tendency to feel sad when people not giving me attention. I love attention, I want to be praised, I want to be around many friends, I don't want to feel lonely. I want to feel belonged. Yet, after these years of experience and reflections, I came to conclude that given my personality which has a huge space for improvement, it's really no matter if I don't have any friends at all. It is all about keeping myself together and mature up. It is always on how we face things, not what we faced.

Somehow i think my personality reflects my dad's. Something I didn't really like but I have to respect my dad for what God had done through him. I really have to get rid of the immature and longing for attention side of me, it's really bad. And yet I know nobody is perfect, but I just had to try because the consequences of not trying is far greater than the cost of trying. Maybe I just like to present a perfect self. Rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I'm not. Yes, it might seem to be impolite, but I really have to grow up in this unforgiving world.

Not everyone will give you the attention you need haha. That's the hard way I learnt.

Anyway, God is always with me, whom shall I fear..