College Life

Well, my college life starts

it's been a week I'm in college

Things are not getting right for me.
U can say I'm still very immature,, yes I admit. 5 months in USA didn't help me in getting self confidence and maturity


I don't have "friends" in college. I am a loner, very lonely and individualistic. My sister says that frens are very very important in college life. I know that. But I don't want to lose myself just to get frens for companion. I mean frenz are not for show off or just companion, Frens are the one who share the same values and belief. I yet to find the group of frens whom I'm suitable with, probably will never find it.

I know i shouldnt be so negative. God says our words are very important, so don't curse ourselves. But for me based on my experience everytime i expect something to be bad, it turns out right.

I thought I will be bullied and expects the worst in USA, yet I had some good frens and a good time in USA. I thought i will never get some frens among the malaysian exchange students. Yet, somehow I got very very attached to 5 girls and we became inseparable for 8 days. I actually expect myself to be a loner, and I don't mind being a loner.

Well, I have no companion or a clique in University. Probably due to my individualistic character. I know it's important to have  frens in order to survive college life. Why do I feel like going for Foundation year in Uni is like going back to Form 1 in secondary school. Frankly, I enjoyed Form 5 much more than Form 1-4. Does it mean that I will not enjoy uni life until my final year?

I understand that I must hold on to my values even if I'm standing alone

Yup, I am a loner, and I expect to be alone for the rest of my uni year. So emo right? But I have to try my best to deny the fact that I am very in need of a companion.

My sister probably will criticize me for my thinking and behavior. But I feel like doing it. Don't know why I feel like a kid again in Foundation year. Most probably I am.

Maybe It's better to be alone than to be with the wrong group of people. Most importantly don't lose myself. It's very important to have the right balance between individualism and cliques. I've been in a clique before. I totally understand how it feels to be included or excluded in a clique.

God is with me, He is my shepherd. Even if I walk thru the valley of death I shall not be afraid. Lord Jesus, I dont know what I'm doing here in college but U know better than I. So I'll just trust in you, have your peace, will not worry about anything. Yes, although I am weak, you are my strength.

Well, that's for today. Probably more to come becoz this is the only platform I can express myself without any legal or physical consequences.

I miss my Malaysian exchange students! Hope they will not have the bad experience as I have right now. Well, depends on your interpretation, I am probably now in the best situation ever if seen in a different perspective.

I expect myself to be lonely and alone for the foundation year. I am ready. I don't mind. Fakes to be strong. Not going out of comfort zone. Yeah. This is either the stupidest mistake or the wisest choice I've ever made. I know I'm quite negative. But this is what I feel. Expect nothing and don't think too much. Don't expect too much. Don't compare college experience with others. But deep down I am very sure that God will pull me thru. Someday I'll be top of the world before I even knew or expected it.

God is good, He'll do something awesome in my life. I trully believe it. Not bcoz I want fame and fortune that I say this, but bcoz God's glory will be shown. I , a loser and loner, made strong by the Lord Jesus who is living in me.

I just hope Foundation year will nopt be bad. #expect nothing