What am I doing in my life
How I wish I could kill all expectations, live my life without the social standards
That way I could know people in their true form
Enjoying the company
Yet, he pissed me off. I don't mind being called sensitive, maybe I am
What the heck dude
We've changed
I've changed, so do you
We went back to being strangers
How I wish I can don't give a shit anymore
Yet, due to social norms, I still need to
Still, you pissed me off.
Because of you, now I will try my best to be a better a person, to treat everyone with good hospitality. Because I know the feeling of not being given one.
She pissed me off as well. Because of her, now I will try my best to use common sense, not to judge people based on categorisation. Because of her, I will try my best to be discrete about spreading information. Because of her, I will do my best to keep everyone's secrets.
But above all, I pissed them off as well. What an ending. What can I do? What if I screwed up? The world will not stop if I screw up. Everyone screws up. The point is not whether you screw up, is how you respond to it, because eventually you will screw up
How I wish I don't have to use my EQ, because I know I lack of it. I put higher emphasis on technical stuff, guess I have a talent for it. But for relationships, I suck, real bad.
Because of what happpend, now I really appreciate anonymity. I hated a close knit community. Yes they do care for you. Yet they know everything about you, and will likely talk behind your back. Worse off, they'll spread the information. Now I understand why my dad is pissed off when my mum keep talking about others. My mum accused of my dad being insensitive and played the victim role. Rightly so, she's not 100% wrong, but also not 100% correct.
Nobody will understand you. Nobody will give a single shit of how you feel.
I think I'm just like my dad, destined? No matter how much I try, I'll wind up be like him. But still, I still try my best to keep the conscience effort to be sane.
I don't feel like giving shits anymore.
In an ideal situation, I would have met someone in an unexpected peaceful miracle, who is mature, kind, reserved, smart.
Yet, life is not perfect
This won't happen, unless a miracle happen
I hate social conventions
I hate shipping each other
To be honest, the more you ship, the more it won't happen. Even if it did happen, it'll not be a happy ending
I cried, but no tears
If I could ignore the definitions of boyfriend/girlfriend
If I could ignore the social expectations
If I could know a person without the input of others
I just want to tell the person how I felt about her
I just want to be honest
I don't want to live just to fulfill the unfulfilled expectations of the society
At this phase of my life, I love being anonymous
But that would never happen
That's why I really love "Garden of Words", guess I could relate to the movie very well.
To be honest I just don't feel like giving shits anymore
My ideal girlfriend (which would probably not happening):
The one who is kind hearted
The one who is smart
The one who is mature to understand
The one who is reserved, discretion practiced throughout
The one I would like to spend my time with, enjoying each other's company
The one who knows the bible better than I do, and encourage me to walk closer to God
The one who understand why I'm doing things that particular way
The one whom only I understand where's she's coming from
The one whom, above all, loves God
The one whom I would say to myself that she's the one
The one that I felt peace in my heart
The one that I don't have to be fake
The one that I don't feel socially restricted by norms
I would not trade anything for her
The one whom reminded me theee are still good things happening in the world
The one whom I can share secrets with , without contempt
If I ever stumble upon you, I would be the happiest man
So, where does God comes into this picture, in the midst of my rants?
I don't know, but one thing is for sure, he's always there.
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