Roast Yourself

I might change my mind, but this is actually how I felt about myself. The society dictates that it's wrong to hate yourself, but to love yourself. Guess it's a good thinking, but to deny the fact that we can't be honest with ourselves with self-reflection, that's just wrong. I reckon it's important to have a space to let this off the chest, if not this will explode. People around me said I'm rather negative, I admit, Yes I'm rather negative. But being positive all the time, ignoring the pain and regrets might only exist in a unicorn world.
I'll be calling myself cat cat.

Yo, Cat Cat.

You think you very awesome meh?

You're such a fake person.

You don't deserve a friend.

None

You keep screwing up every friend that you ever had, every community you ever been are being screwed by you.

You are the source of all your problem.

It's all your fault.

So what if you're smart?

So what if you are the best employee?

So what if you're the top student?

Your social skills are shit anyway.

You can't blame your parents

Because they loved you very much

You can only blame yourself, wrecking up every situation

Banging into walls, taking up unnecessary shits that you've created.

Good friends turned into strangers

They used to look up to you

Until they know the real you, without the façade, without the perfection image

They got disappointed at you

Your image is gone, deteriorated.

You can't be mad, because that's who you are

Being rejected, being gossiped upon

Who would accept you

You prideful shit

You don't deserve anything good (actually a bit la haha)

Correction, you don't deserve to have a good friend, because you're a shitty friend

Selfish

Small gas

Volatile

No stability

Who do you think you are

You can't work with anyone, you're alone

The best thing for you to do is actually stay alone

Don't let people know the real you

Keep a distance to everyone

Keep a façade, hold it as long as you can

Until one day you exploded

Nobody will care

If you complain, people say you're a whinny little bitch

If you keep it to yourself, people say you're too complicated

Nothing you can do to amend the situation that you had brought yourself into

I can't recognize you anymore Cat Cat

What happened to you man

You despise everyone, thinking you're above them

You see your dad, you see yourself

There's a scar that keep scorching up

You are afraid, insecure

You are afraid to repeat the mistakes that your father made

You are afraid to hurt others like your father did

You know someday you gonna do it, because when you see your dad, you saw yourself

No, your dad is a great guy, in fact, the best in intellectual and technical stuff

Just that his emotional side got a bit wrecked, that's all

But you, realizing your problem, but couldn't do anything to stop the course of your personality

How hopeless it is

You tried too hard to impress everyone

In the end, you yourself got super tired

Tired of everyone

Tired of meeting people

You have nobody to blame but yourself

Learn to forgive others and yourself

But I know you couldn't do it without God's help

You just want to go to your own ways in life

But truthfully your life now is a time bomb, waiting to explode

It's a two sided life

It's the best times of your life as well as the worst so far

You learnt your lesson, but it's always too late

They hate you now, They keep gossiping about you now, there's nothing you can do to explain yourself, nobody will bother to listen to your rants anyway, they think it's an excuse

They love to tell you what to do because they care for you, Picking up every fault in your life and overlooking any good stuff, that's society

What are you going to do about it? Nothing

Why are you so dumb,

taking up shits that you could have avoided

But then again, God's grace is enough, no matter how wretched I think (or actually) I am. Guess the only way to respond/react to this is to look forward, learn my lesson, and try to make the right choice. And also pray.