Entitled

I do feel entitled, always.

I think everybody should give me attention
I think everybody should help me
I think everybody should care for me
I think everybody should welcome me with open arms.

The truth is, I got too used (taken them for granted)to  the hospitality and the blessings that I received,,, when they're gone, I felt voided.
I learnt a hard lesson of not getting everything I think I am entitled.

I want to be alone
I want to be left alone
I want to be socially awkward
I want to be the worst team member ever
I want to be needy
I want to be looked down upon
I want to be left out
I want to be the outsider
I want to be being judged
I want to be the useless member of the team
I want to be seemed lazy
I want to be the worst ever

So what if all these happens. It's better to accept it than to try my best to avoid it (which eventually will be counter productive). I learnt that it's all these fears that led me to depression, and being a perfectionist, that doesn't help at all.

Free fall?

Today I learnt that God loves and cares for everyone of us, even for the most wretched ones (which I consider myself as one).
True people don't change, what changes is the way we reduce the ramifications and learnt how to control ourselves.; that's about it