It would be stupid not to acknowledge it, yet it seems needy to acknowledge it.
Acknowledging it is hard, living in denial is harder. Hence, let's tell the truth, I'm lonely.
Ever since getting a placement with the company, I thought my life would be great. You know, friends in workplace, church and personal close friends. Lol but it didn't turn out the way I would like.
I got no friends in church (probably because I'm a shy jerk)
I got a lot of acquaintance in work place, but no friends (probably because again, I'm a shy jerk)
I got no people who could relate to, because I'm a jerk lol.
These three areas of life with nobody to tell my feelings to, it's a breeding ground for emptiness and depression.
Out of nowhere, my sister's friends, introduced me to a bible study group. They're the ones whom I can relate to. But I want to hide the fact that I'm lonely. I don't want to be seen weak and needy and desperate. So I really thank God for it.
In the office, seems like all my colleagues have a significant half. And these few months (ever since September) I feel like the stupid urge to get a significant half. I'm not sure how it'll go down but hopefully this matter will glorify God (means being a high achiever without being worthy lol).
I think the urge to get a significant half comes from the fact that I'm alone and lonely. I need to be constantly occupied with things to do, which I'm struggling a lot.
I need to find something to do, because most probably I'm a workaholic.
Screw it man, just need to find something to do, keep myself busy, using preoccupation with stuff to cover loneliness. That's the way I guess?
It felt good after writing this thing out. I want to be vulnerable, but my vulnerability will hurt others also.
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