Thursday, 30 July 2015
Thursday, 23 July 2015
Wednesday, 22 July 2015
Tuesday, 21 July 2015
Worst Expectation
In my life, I usually picture the worst case scenario, get a plan to know how to deal with it, and resulting in a fearless encounter with the situation.
Last summer I didn't expect things turned sour after I stayed with a friend. I shouldn't think too much, should I?
The problem:
I don't think I'm mature enough to be a committee member in a Uni society
I don't think I'm physically and emotionally strong enough to work in a restaurant.
I don't think I'm mature enough to be in a worship team, or integrating with the ang moh.
Worst case:
Be a joker in the group and contribute nothing haha
I'm fired and sour relationship with everyone haha
Be a praise-getting chinese bloody guy.
But whatever it is. I don't mind, I'm ready for it. But that doesn't mean I want it.
tough life la
Whatever the problem is , God is with me. He will guide me. He is ever greater than the problem. All glory to him. I can;t do it but he can. I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. Thank you God
Last summer I didn't expect things turned sour after I stayed with a friend. I shouldn't think too much, should I?
The problem:
I don't think I'm mature enough to be a committee member in a Uni society
I don't think I'm physically and emotionally strong enough to work in a restaurant.
I don't think I'm mature enough to be in a worship team, or integrating with the ang moh.
Worst case:
Be a joker in the group and contribute nothing haha
I'm fired and sour relationship with everyone haha
Be a praise-getting chinese bloody guy.
But whatever it is. I don't mind, I'm ready for it. But that doesn't mean I want it.
tough life la
Whatever the problem is , God is with me. He will guide me. He is ever greater than the problem. All glory to him. I can;t do it but he can. I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. Thank you God
I am scared of what people think
I am working now, at least what I thougt. I am working as a team member in one of the japanese takeaway.
At first, I was so depressed. Looking at the uniform, I'm thinking like : wow, I'm a just nobody working in a hopeless restaurant.
It's not easy. I'm scolded for being too slow. Then, for the things i didn't do, i get scolded as well. Haha that's the life of a trainee. I made a lot of mistakes, nobody teach me, and I get told off a lot of times. Their English is not that good, so sometimes I get misunderstood. But I really thank God that they are still patient with me.
Now i am worry (or concerned) about my volunteering at the hospice. I would really love to volunteer. However, if i work on Saturdays, I will not be able to.
They might just kick me off. Sad, I need the volunteering thing.
Another matter that bug me is that, most of the people I know are working during the summer. All of them (or most of them) are back to their own country.
I choose to stay back (it's a gamble). Thank God for the job (if i'm still not being fired)
My Malaysian friends are back with summer job, most of which are very professional internships. While I'm here as a waiter haha. So unprofessional. haha
What will they think about me?
Im gonna break down. I think too much. I scared to grow up. I still wanna sulk in my own comfort zone. Playing drums? Pride? Maturity? Composure?
I'm gonna freak out sooner or later.
To be honest, I can't face them. I can;t tell everyone that I worked for a restaurant. I'm ashamed. But I know I shouldn't be. I should be proud of it.
Yes I sucked, they are so great. They worked in good companies, good jobs, I worked like shit haha.
Yup, I have to accept the fact that I'm a loser
cry cry, nobody needs me huh huh.
Then I will have to up my confidence and look for a placement this coming september. I'm crushed, like a grinder. Ouch
What am I afraid of?
I am afraid of people saying that I'm useless. I still can't accept the fact that I'm working in a restaurant. I'm afraid of being told off by senior members of the staff in front of the people I know. That really sucks. I dunno what I am getting myself into.
But I know what i need to do, acceptance. Accepting to be ok even if church members or anyone else that I know popping up at the takeaway. Accepting that I'm working in a so called "low class" job as reckoned by the ang moh (haha).
But I am happy with the job. I personally enjoyed it. Just afraid of what people might say. My family supports me, so it's fine.
Thank You God. God help me to be humble. Amen.
At first, I was so depressed. Looking at the uniform, I'm thinking like : wow, I'm a just nobody working in a hopeless restaurant.
It's not easy. I'm scolded for being too slow. Then, for the things i didn't do, i get scolded as well. Haha that's the life of a trainee. I made a lot of mistakes, nobody teach me, and I get told off a lot of times. Their English is not that good, so sometimes I get misunderstood. But I really thank God that they are still patient with me.
Now i am worry (or concerned) about my volunteering at the hospice. I would really love to volunteer. However, if i work on Saturdays, I will not be able to.
They might just kick me off. Sad, I need the volunteering thing.
Another matter that bug me is that, most of the people I know are working during the summer. All of them (or most of them) are back to their own country.
I choose to stay back (it's a gamble). Thank God for the job (if i'm still not being fired)
My Malaysian friends are back with summer job, most of which are very professional internships. While I'm here as a waiter haha. So unprofessional. haha
What will they think about me?
Im gonna break down. I think too much. I scared to grow up. I still wanna sulk in my own comfort zone. Playing drums? Pride? Maturity? Composure?
I'm gonna freak out sooner or later.
To be honest, I can't face them. I can;t tell everyone that I worked for a restaurant. I'm ashamed. But I know I shouldn't be. I should be proud of it.
Yes I sucked, they are so great. They worked in good companies, good jobs, I worked like shit haha.
Yup, I have to accept the fact that I'm a loser
cry cry, nobody needs me huh huh.
Then I will have to up my confidence and look for a placement this coming september. I'm crushed, like a grinder. Ouch
What am I afraid of?
I am afraid of people saying that I'm useless. I still can't accept the fact that I'm working in a restaurant. I'm afraid of being told off by senior members of the staff in front of the people I know. That really sucks. I dunno what I am getting myself into.
But I know what i need to do, acceptance. Accepting to be ok even if church members or anyone else that I know popping up at the takeaway. Accepting that I'm working in a so called "low class" job as reckoned by the ang moh (haha).
But I am happy with the job. I personally enjoyed it. Just afraid of what people might say. My family supports me, so it's fine.
Thank You God. God help me to be humble. Amen.
Thursday, 2 July 2015
I got a job, or haven't not ?
So, I worked 50+ hours for a restaurant.
Honestly I still consider myself not part of it.
They didn't send me email for job rotas, or my available time for work shifts.
And the manager hasn't even send in my details to the HQ although I keep reminding her. I don't think I will be paid though
Sad. So many walls
Thank you God for everything, I'll trust in you and i'll not be worry
Honestly I still consider myself not part of it.
They didn't send me email for job rotas, or my available time for work shifts.
And the manager hasn't even send in my details to the HQ although I keep reminding her. I don't think I will be paid though
Sad. So many walls
Thank you God for everything, I'll trust in you and i'll not be worry
Friday, 12 June 2015
Honest Questions
Why are you so worried?
I choose to stay back in UK this summer. For the first time in my life I am doing what I choose to do, hence bearing the consequences. In the past, it was my parents' or situation that forced me into something. Eg: AFS-YES, playing organ, studying without tuition, going to UK to study....etc
Why did you choose to stay back in UK for summer instead of going back to Malaysia? You know your whole family is there.
To be really honest, I don't feel at home at Sandakan, Malaysia. I can't believe I am saying this but in Sandakan, I don't have friends or freedom or movement (to be exactly correct). I don't have a car. In my past experiences, I'm traumatized in living with quarrelsome parents: An emotionally volatile father and a "I don't care and I will tell all the stuff that we quarreled to everyone else" mother. Nevertheless, I love my parents very much. Yet, there are no perfect parents so I will have to live with it. There are no prefect children and they have to live with it as well. I am thankful to God for such an awesome parents! :)
Spending summer in Malaysia, I will have nothing to do. I will stay in house 24/6. Relying on parents for transport (haha). And on Sunday, I feel particularly stressed, I don't know why. As my dad is a pastor, I feel very pressured. I will have to put up a fake smile and very tiring-lah in summary. I know, but church is very important. I would like to praise God for sending me to church and grow.
Spending summer in UK is not better off either. I will also have nothing to do. Just that I will have extra freedom of movement if I want to travel.
Any other valid reasons not to go back to Malaysia during summer?
No valid reasons. Only childish and immature ones.
I can think of one: My sister is graduating and will be soon heading to work. This is a transition period and I am pretty sure this will involve time, money and energy. I will try not to add to that burden. Besides, if I stay in UK for summer, chances are I will be using my scholarship's money instead of my parents' money.
So, what you gonna do in UK for summer? What have you been doing?
Nothing. Nothing,
Why don't you get a job? Everyone else is at least doing something.
I've tried to apply. So far, all failed or no reply. Sad. Even the ones that I thought is easy. Championslifeacademy, serving food in London, serving food in Woking, University administering job. Yup my friends are having internship..etc. Something that sounds so professional. Me leh, I'm rotting in UK doing nothing. I don't know but they say getting a job is easy, but for me , it's not. I hate the situation when everyone around me gets the thing that I craved so much so easily. I hate the situation where I am expected to achieve something, just like everyone else. I love the situation where I am the only guy who achieved it (sounds pathetic haha). But I know I shouldn't compare.
It will be a total miracle if I am to work in the summer. Total miracle.
I suck in getting a job. All my life I didn't have any experience in working. I only know studying and studying. My confidence sank in job hunting.
Why can't you just be more open and tell everyone your intention for summer?
I have a habit of keeping everything secret. I would like to be an underdog, who strikes when nobody expects.
Honestly I don't know if it is God's will for me to be in UK for the summer. If it is, I know he will provide. Sometimes God provides what I need, instead of what I want. So now my prayer is that what I need will be what I want, and what I want is what I need, that is Jesus. In God's hand, no matter how bad the situation is, I know I'm still ok.
God will open doors, but I will have to pass it myself. And thank God for opening doors. By grace, through faith. The problem is that now I'm banging on a lot of closed doors, (which hurts haha).
You are spending more money here in UK than in Malaysia. What do you think?
Sad loh, What to do , I stupid mah.
Inference?
It's ok for me not to do anything while all my friends are doing something useful over the summer. Sometimes I think that the more I want it, the more I won't get it. So, I don't want to get a job in UK, UK sucks.
Your conclusion?
I have to accept the fact that I'm a loser. In the event where I am seen as a winner, I will give all glory and praises to God for everything is from him and for him. God, help me to trust in you instead of my own strengths. I know that you are great and awesome, there is no one like you. And you will be praised forever and ever. You brought me out of miry clay, into your glory, to praise your name. Oh Lord our God your ways are higher. I will never understand. I'm like a 2D painting trying to understand the 3D real world. Amen.
I choose to stay back in UK this summer. For the first time in my life I am doing what I choose to do, hence bearing the consequences. In the past, it was my parents' or situation that forced me into something. Eg: AFS-YES, playing organ, studying without tuition, going to UK to study....etc
Why did you choose to stay back in UK for summer instead of going back to Malaysia? You know your whole family is there.
To be really honest, I don't feel at home at Sandakan, Malaysia. I can't believe I am saying this but in Sandakan, I don't have friends or freedom or movement (to be exactly correct). I don't have a car. In my past experiences, I'm traumatized in living with quarrelsome parents: An emotionally volatile father and a "I don't care and I will tell all the stuff that we quarreled to everyone else" mother. Nevertheless, I love my parents very much. Yet, there are no perfect parents so I will have to live with it. There are no prefect children and they have to live with it as well. I am thankful to God for such an awesome parents! :)
Spending summer in Malaysia, I will have nothing to do. I will stay in house 24/6. Relying on parents for transport (haha). And on Sunday, I feel particularly stressed, I don't know why. As my dad is a pastor, I feel very pressured. I will have to put up a fake smile and very tiring-lah in summary. I know, but church is very important. I would like to praise God for sending me to church and grow.
Spending summer in UK is not better off either. I will also have nothing to do. Just that I will have extra freedom of movement if I want to travel.
Any other valid reasons not to go back to Malaysia during summer?
No valid reasons. Only childish and immature ones.
I can think of one: My sister is graduating and will be soon heading to work. This is a transition period and I am pretty sure this will involve time, money and energy. I will try not to add to that burden. Besides, if I stay in UK for summer, chances are I will be using my scholarship's money instead of my parents' money.
So, what you gonna do in UK for summer? What have you been doing?
Nothing. Nothing,
Why don't you get a job? Everyone else is at least doing something.
I've tried to apply. So far, all failed or no reply. Sad. Even the ones that I thought is easy. Championslifeacademy, serving food in London, serving food in Woking, University administering job. Yup my friends are having internship..etc. Something that sounds so professional. Me leh, I'm rotting in UK doing nothing. I don't know but they say getting a job is easy, but for me , it's not. I hate the situation when everyone around me gets the thing that I craved so much so easily. I hate the situation where I am expected to achieve something, just like everyone else. I love the situation where I am the only guy who achieved it (sounds pathetic haha). But I know I shouldn't compare.
It will be a total miracle if I am to work in the summer. Total miracle.
I suck in getting a job. All my life I didn't have any experience in working. I only know studying and studying. My confidence sank in job hunting.
Why can't you just be more open and tell everyone your intention for summer?
I have a habit of keeping everything secret. I would like to be an underdog, who strikes when nobody expects.
Honestly I don't know if it is God's will for me to be in UK for the summer. If it is, I know he will provide. Sometimes God provides what I need, instead of what I want. So now my prayer is that what I need will be what I want, and what I want is what I need, that is Jesus. In God's hand, no matter how bad the situation is, I know I'm still ok.
God will open doors, but I will have to pass it myself. And thank God for opening doors. By grace, through faith. The problem is that now I'm banging on a lot of closed doors, (which hurts haha).
You are spending more money here in UK than in Malaysia. What do you think?
Sad loh, What to do , I stupid mah.
Inference?
It's ok for me not to do anything while all my friends are doing something useful over the summer. Sometimes I think that the more I want it, the more I won't get it. So, I don't want to get a job in UK, UK sucks.
Your conclusion?
I have to accept the fact that I'm a loser. In the event where I am seen as a winner, I will give all glory and praises to God for everything is from him and for him. God, help me to trust in you instead of my own strengths. I know that you are great and awesome, there is no one like you. And you will be praised forever and ever. You brought me out of miry clay, into your glory, to praise your name. Oh Lord our God your ways are higher. I will never understand. I'm like a 2D painting trying to understand the 3D real world. Amen.
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