I can't face the past, due to my fear of facing the mistake and rectifying it.
Every phase of life, I left regrets. Hence, I suck at maintaining old contacts, because once the phase of life is done, I have nothing to do with it anymore. Deep down I always admire those who can keep good contact with good friends. I can't. I can never.
And hence, I turned to avoidance as a response, which we all know is not the best solution.
I wanted to keep a perfect track record, which is impossible. I wanted to make a perfect façade, a perfect image. We all know this won't work. I can see this trait clearly on my dad. But that doesn't mean I will blame him because it's my own fault that I can't face past mistakes and regrets appropriately.
Each phase of life, I left with regrets. Hence, it pretty darn awkward to go back. Hence, I can only move forward, and to forget everything that I had in the past.
pending: leaving the charity shop for a year, leaving my friends for placement for a year
2015 summer: leaving the Japanese restaurant, never to return again to visit because I managed to offend the boss hahaha
2014 summer: I offended almost everyone. Hence, I have regrets and don't feel like meeting my UNMC friends anymore
2013: Left the host family in USA. Friends as well. Didn't really keep in contact due to awkwardness, and doesn't need to hahaha.
2012: Left high school, never to see my classmates for reunion ever again, and I don't feel like it although I do admire those who did. Left home town, and never got any friends that I can look forward to meet again. Including the church since I got really bad memories about it :(
2010: Left the boys school and never kept in contact with those. Due to my immaturity, I feel pretty darn bad about it.
2007: Left the primary school, kept no contacts ever since
Hence, I don't think I can keep in contact with my current friends once this phase of life is over. Sad, even if I want to, I don't know how. Eat? what to talk? Paiseh la
Anyways, there are always silver lining. In every bad regrets etc, there will be something sweet to be remember of. You see, human brains are engineered to remember the bad more often so to improve ourselves. But, it's a matter of choice whether we want to reminiscent the good part of every regret. And hence the picture below (my best paint job lol) represents what I'm thinkin right now
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