Remove negativity

I think I need to identify the sources of my negative feelings:

- Family issues. Parents quarrelling. Like father like son. I think I’ll end of behaving like my dad in terms of treating close family members like shit.
- Lack of a person to really relate to during work.
- church issues and some Hong Kong members of the Fellowship. Being misjudged and exploited by the church members, patronised by old people who are trying to be relevant but in actual fact did nothing.
- the existence of young adults groups which I may inadvertently see as competition. I know this is petty but this is my human nature.
- How the hell am I suppose to lead alpha in Cantonese. I don’t want to reject the mandarin speakers either. If I lead, I bleed. If I don’t, feel like a fucker who abandons the two other committee. The thing is the experienced members are gone.
- work place pressure. I may not get a job in the end.
- The fear of rejection by flatmate.
- Not sure how to reconnect with people who I really wanted to catch up with without being weird or awkward. Basically I don’t have the excuse

People who currently stress me out:
- A Hong Kong guy who likes to show off and berates other. If I wasn’t the president of the Fellowship I wouldn’t care but I’m affected by his actions and words. His very existence just annoys me. If I let him serve, he’ll probably not commit. If I don’t, he’ll 呱呱叫。I need God’s supernatural wisdom to make my EQ higher.
- A church pastor who patronises people for his own gains ie church politics. I need to recognise that whether or not his intention is pure, I hope people will recognise God’s grace through these courses.

Steps to deal with these:
- Don’t think about family issues. Think how much I can love them despite all our flaws instead.
- It’s ok to eat alone during lunch. Make sure join the Christian weekly meet up and perhaps frisbee if possible?
- Don’t think myself to highly. Let people hit my left cheek after being hit on the right. Beat each other in love, and long suffering. Lead by example.
- In fact since it’s now a pastorate, it’s better to merge together, then I don’t have to do anything !
- Tell the advisor and my fellow members and the pastor how I feel. If they disregard, hold firm and say no.
- Make sure feel like stopping an orgasm. Don’t be attached but also be attached.
- don’t be attached to flat mate and expect nothing out of him
- don’t have to catch up. Life is like that.