Sunday, 12 January 2014
Saturday, 11 January 2014
Friday, 20 December 2013
A lousy story
Suddenly feel like writing a short short story, as a mockumentary.
Love of the Mango Pudding
Stella is 15 years old. She studies in high school. She works part time in a coffee shop at night because she feels "cool" working part-time while studying. She thinks that she is awesome by doing part-time job because she earns $300 per month. She performs poorly in her academics. Yet, she look down on the "nerds" who study so hard for the exams. She think the "nerds" don't have a life. Yes, she is true. Nerds don't have a life. Their life is preoccupied with study study study. In fact, she will not mingle with the nerds because she is pretty and cool. She is popular in high school. She is well sort-after by the boys.
She just broke up with her 19 year old boyfriend because her boyfriend cheats on her. She went into clubs to chill off. She told literally everyone in school that she smokes, goes to clubbing and drinks alcohol. She thought that this will raise her social status in the school. She thought that those teenagers are not "mature" like her to do all those stuff. In fact, she look down on the students who are well behaved and healthy living. She looks down on boys who don't drink, smoke and alcoholic. After all, she is so popular in school that she can bully other girls for fun. She used to make fun of the "nerdy" girls, thinking that the girls should be made fun of because they don't know how to dress as slutty as her.
She meets a new boy in the town weeks later and got hook up with him. His name is Alex and he is 17. He dropped out of high school. He is currently working as a waiter in a Japanese restaurant. His personality is similar to Stella. In fact, he is worse. He drives without a licence, thinking that he is "brave and cool" among his friends. He is still popular in his former high school because he is still involved in many school gangs fights. He is the so called "boss" of the school gang. He will be there in any fights in the school. He formally dates a 13 year old innocent pretty young girl but now he falls for Stella and broke off with the girl.
Alex goes into the coffee shop at night with his friends. Stella comes to take orders. He is stunned by her beauty. The eyes, the lips, and everything below the neck. Stella is also stunned by Alex's handsomeness. They fall for each other instantly, love at the first sight. Alex orders a Mango Pudding. When the Mango Pudding arrives, it has a "love" shape on it, courtesy of Stella.
After two days, Alex goes to the coffee shop, alone. He orders Mango Pudding again, and the same thing happens, Mango Pudding with a love shape! Stella sits in front of him and they start chatting. Love at the first sight is always so sweet and wonderful. They would laugh at other "uncool" kids sitting at the next table. Or they will chat about going to each other's house and do adult stuff. They think they are old enough to do the adult things without the parents' consent. After all, they are working already.
Weeks after weeks Alex comes to the coffee shop. Stella and Alex becomes "engaged" on Facebook. Their facebook and instagram profiles are full of photos of them together. They have captions such as "I love you forever my Mr Mango Pudding prince" or 'Baby I love you forever, you are my wife and I will spend my entire life with you" Some photos of them hugging and kissing are posted online too. As expected, their photos garner a lot of "likes". They become popular on social media.
Stella would tell everyone she knows that she is dating Alex, a guy who is romantic. Alex does the same. When they have dated for 3 months, then Michael appeared in their lives. Michael is a 16 year old school boy who has a huge crush on Stella. He is considered a "nerd" by both Stella and Alex. Michael knows that Stella's future is in jeopardy if she continues living like that. He wants to help her to get back on track. However, when Michael approaches Stella, he is rejected. Stella thinks that a nerd like Michael with low social status in school is not worthy of her. So, she tells everyone in the school about Michael's love confession, and Michael is humiliated deeply. Stella also tells Alex about the "problem". Alex is furious because he thinks that Michael is a "third angle" in the newly formed "triangular love". Like the teenagers' idol drama he watched on Television, he will avenge on behalf of Stella because he "loves her with all his life". He thinks he is like a hero to protect Stella against bad guys. Oh, How Stella is amazed by Alex' "bravery" when Alex finds Michael in school to beat him up. Alex shouted loudly towards Michael in front of a huge crowd that Michael is not to "disturb" her girlfriend again. Alex feels so "manly" and strong when he defeats Michael.
Alex hangs out often with Stella in pub and shopping center. They will usually do the "Public Display of Affection" such as kissing and hugging in the public. Well, it's normal for teenagers to be so intensely in love with each other. To celebrate their "love", Stella and Alex films their bed activity as a proof of their awesomeness. And because Alex thinks that wearing a condom is not manly, Stella is found pregnant. Stella gives birth to a baby boy 9 months later. Stella quits school and her job in order to take care of the baby. Alex takes 3 jobs in order to support the "family". Because of their love, they left the town without families' knowledge and settle down in a smaller town nearby.
Alex and Stella live happily ever after in a small rented room. Stella receives petty pension from the government every month. Because of stress, Alex and Stella always argue and fight, sometimes even leads to domestic violence. Their child grows up in a noisy and violent environment. This is what both of them always wanted, a happy family.
Well, after 10 years, Michael is now working as a manager in a big corporate due to his diligence which led to countless promotion. He has a lovely wife and beautiful children. They live sadly ever after in big house with big cars. Because Michael is faithful to God, he lives his life righteously according to God's will, and it brought blessings to his family.
THE END
Love of the Mango Pudding
Stella is 15 years old. She studies in high school. She works part time in a coffee shop at night because she feels "cool" working part-time while studying. She thinks that she is awesome by doing part-time job because she earns $300 per month. She performs poorly in her academics. Yet, she look down on the "nerds" who study so hard for the exams. She think the "nerds" don't have a life. Yes, she is true. Nerds don't have a life. Their life is preoccupied with study study study. In fact, she will not mingle with the nerds because she is pretty and cool. She is popular in high school. She is well sort-after by the boys.
She just broke up with her 19 year old boyfriend because her boyfriend cheats on her. She went into clubs to chill off. She told literally everyone in school that she smokes, goes to clubbing and drinks alcohol. She thought that this will raise her social status in the school. She thought that those teenagers are not "mature" like her to do all those stuff. In fact, she look down on the students who are well behaved and healthy living. She looks down on boys who don't drink, smoke and alcoholic. After all, she is so popular in school that she can bully other girls for fun. She used to make fun of the "nerdy" girls, thinking that the girls should be made fun of because they don't know how to dress as slutty as her.
She meets a new boy in the town weeks later and got hook up with him. His name is Alex and he is 17. He dropped out of high school. He is currently working as a waiter in a Japanese restaurant. His personality is similar to Stella. In fact, he is worse. He drives without a licence, thinking that he is "brave and cool" among his friends. He is still popular in his former high school because he is still involved in many school gangs fights. He is the so called "boss" of the school gang. He will be there in any fights in the school. He formally dates a 13 year old innocent pretty young girl but now he falls for Stella and broke off with the girl.
Alex goes into the coffee shop at night with his friends. Stella comes to take orders. He is stunned by her beauty. The eyes, the lips, and everything below the neck. Stella is also stunned by Alex's handsomeness. They fall for each other instantly, love at the first sight. Alex orders a Mango Pudding. When the Mango Pudding arrives, it has a "love" shape on it, courtesy of Stella.
After two days, Alex goes to the coffee shop, alone. He orders Mango Pudding again, and the same thing happens, Mango Pudding with a love shape! Stella sits in front of him and they start chatting. Love at the first sight is always so sweet and wonderful. They would laugh at other "uncool" kids sitting at the next table. Or they will chat about going to each other's house and do adult stuff. They think they are old enough to do the adult things without the parents' consent. After all, they are working already.
Weeks after weeks Alex comes to the coffee shop. Stella and Alex becomes "engaged" on Facebook. Their facebook and instagram profiles are full of photos of them together. They have captions such as "I love you forever my Mr Mango Pudding prince" or 'Baby I love you forever, you are my wife and I will spend my entire life with you" Some photos of them hugging and kissing are posted online too. As expected, their photos garner a lot of "likes". They become popular on social media.
Stella would tell everyone she knows that she is dating Alex, a guy who is romantic. Alex does the same. When they have dated for 3 months, then Michael appeared in their lives. Michael is a 16 year old school boy who has a huge crush on Stella. He is considered a "nerd" by both Stella and Alex. Michael knows that Stella's future is in jeopardy if she continues living like that. He wants to help her to get back on track. However, when Michael approaches Stella, he is rejected. Stella thinks that a nerd like Michael with low social status in school is not worthy of her. So, she tells everyone in the school about Michael's love confession, and Michael is humiliated deeply. Stella also tells Alex about the "problem". Alex is furious because he thinks that Michael is a "third angle" in the newly formed "triangular love". Like the teenagers' idol drama he watched on Television, he will avenge on behalf of Stella because he "loves her with all his life". He thinks he is like a hero to protect Stella against bad guys. Oh, How Stella is amazed by Alex' "bravery" when Alex finds Michael in school to beat him up. Alex shouted loudly towards Michael in front of a huge crowd that Michael is not to "disturb" her girlfriend again. Alex feels so "manly" and strong when he defeats Michael.
Alex hangs out often with Stella in pub and shopping center. They will usually do the "Public Display of Affection" such as kissing and hugging in the public. Well, it's normal for teenagers to be so intensely in love with each other. To celebrate their "love", Stella and Alex films their bed activity as a proof of their awesomeness. And because Alex thinks that wearing a condom is not manly, Stella is found pregnant. Stella gives birth to a baby boy 9 months later. Stella quits school and her job in order to take care of the baby. Alex takes 3 jobs in order to support the "family". Because of their love, they left the town without families' knowledge and settle down in a smaller town nearby.
Alex and Stella live happily ever after in a small rented room. Stella receives petty pension from the government every month. Because of stress, Alex and Stella always argue and fight, sometimes even leads to domestic violence. Their child grows up in a noisy and violent environment. This is what both of them always wanted, a happy family.
Well, after 10 years, Michael is now working as a manager in a big corporate due to his diligence which led to countless promotion. He has a lovely wife and beautiful children. They live sadly ever after in big house with big cars. Because Michael is faithful to God, he lives his life righteously according to God's will, and it brought blessings to his family.
THE END
Thursday, 19 December 2013
Emo
I'm back to hometown and honestly I 'm not a happy boy. Well, I don't have a ride, so have to depend on parents to fetch me around. Thank God for them. What to do? No car means no independence. It's funny how Asian parents sometimes see children's independent as rebellion. Yet, if you dont allow the child to make mistake and learn from it, he'll be a child forever. In the end you suffer because he is not mature enough. Yet the main probelm is the miscomunication between parents and children. Parents might not know the time and the degree of letting go. The children may not understand the parent's feeling.
For 6 months I'm living alone, now suddenly I have to adapt to living with my parents. Somehow I don't like it. U can say I'm an ungrateful, immature child, I don't mind, because I am. I don't know where to draw the line, the boundary, the limit of our interaction.
No matter how big I think I am, parents will still treat me like a 3 year old. That's what happened to my 22 years old sisters. I understand that it is very normal for parents to worry about children's well being. But being concerned doesn't mean u have to deprive them of their freedom and independence. It will be better if u trust them, knowing that they are mature enough to face the real world. Yes, we may fail but that's how we learn. Every mistakes make us tougher. We will still come to u for guidance. It is very important for us to develop our own thoughts. Sometimes Asian parents think this is disobedient. Being disobedient doesn't mean I'm having my own stand, and vice versa.
So much things in my mind. I need a readjustment for the interaction between me and parents. It doesn't make sense if all of us are unhappy because the line is drawn wrongly. I believe if we can talk to each other without egoistic condemnation, a win-win situation will be form.
Honestly, until I get to drive, get a house and get a job, I will still be dependent on my parents. Asian style
For 6 months I'm living alone, now suddenly I have to adapt to living with my parents. Somehow I don't like it. U can say I'm an ungrateful, immature child, I don't mind, because I am. I don't know where to draw the line, the boundary, the limit of our interaction.
No matter how big I think I am, parents will still treat me like a 3 year old. That's what happened to my 22 years old sisters. I understand that it is very normal for parents to worry about children's well being. But being concerned doesn't mean u have to deprive them of their freedom and independence. It will be better if u trust them, knowing that they are mature enough to face the real world. Yes, we may fail but that's how we learn. Every mistakes make us tougher. We will still come to u for guidance. It is very important for us to develop our own thoughts. Sometimes Asian parents think this is disobedient. Being disobedient doesn't mean I'm having my own stand, and vice versa.
So much things in my mind. I need a readjustment for the interaction between me and parents. It doesn't make sense if all of us are unhappy because the line is drawn wrongly. I believe if we can talk to each other without egoistic condemnation, a win-win situation will be form.
Honestly, until I get to drive, get a house and get a job, I will still be dependent on my parents. Asian style
Sunday, 8 December 2013
break down
I am on the verge of breaking down. The reasons are quite stupid actually. I hope I will not mind the future me laughing at this post. It's quite ridiculous.
Well, I procrastinate alot when studying, which makes me feel guilty everytime I don't study. I don't want my results to be skrewed just because of facebook, youtube....etc. It never worth it! And I think I've lost my resolution of new semester. Bad habits are coming back. Confidence get lower and lower. I asked myself "hey, where are your values?? You are soooo weak"
Well, I now God is in control.. I can do all things thru Christ who strengthen me.
Well, I procrastinate alot when studying, which makes me feel guilty everytime I don't study. I don't want my results to be skrewed just because of facebook, youtube....etc. It never worth it! And I think I've lost my resolution of new semester. Bad habits are coming back. Confidence get lower and lower. I asked myself "hey, where are your values?? You are soooo weak"
Well, I now God is in control.. I can do all things thru Christ who strengthen me.
Monday, 18 November 2013
Unforgiveness and Longing for Connection
This post might be funny because I am in the process of growing up. Someday the future me will be laughing hard at this post of mine.
Deep down I have massive unforgiveness to my parents. I know I am ungrateful. I shouldn't be unforgiving becoz this is not what God wants me to do. Forgiving means getting along and not holding a grudge. But that doesn't mean I will let them hurt me the same way again. No matter how imperfect my parents are, I have to forgive them for this is the will of God. They are human beings, never perfect.
The volatile, arrogant side of my dad has taken it's toll on me. I have to learn to forgive him. Sometimes I don't feel like seeing him because he is immature, full of pride/ego, and emotionally unstable. He can be a two faced person and blame others so that he can be seen as perfect. Yet, this is what family members are. We see the good and bad of each other and accept them as who they are. Someday if I have children, they might think the same way too. I just have to forgive. Only God can help me to forgive. It's all about Jesus. He forgave us even if we did really really shameful things. How much more should I forgive my parents who gave their everything in raising me up. This is just what family members do. But the flaws of my dad had a great impact which perpetuated my mind and soul. There's a scar, only God can remove it. Sometimes I wonder will I inherit his flaws when I'm in middle age? Is it possible that no matter how hard I try I will end up like him? These thoughts are hidden deep inside my mind, and I have to face it no matter how much I wanted to avoid it.
Now I understand (at least 1% of it) the feeling of missing someone. I miss my friends and host family back in USA. I also missed my secondary school friends. Somehow I don't miss my parents. I might still be in the season of rebellious against parents. I want to be obedient to them. But obedient doesn't mean missing them isn't it? Last Saturday (16 Nov 2013) I have a mini-hangout with two of my secondary school friends. It is totally a miracle that I can meet them up. The miracles:
1. Well, he is my close friend and he made the costly and long trip to go to the meet up place. (Which I thought would be impossible since he is off to Macau the next day).
2. She is my crush and I am greatly infatuated with her since secondary school years. We never actually talked to each other. But somehow she opened up and said "ok" to my meet up suggestion. It was totally unexpected because we never hangout for the very reason to be together and catching up with one another. It has been almost a year since I last saw her. In secondary school years, my infatuation had taken it's toll on me and I made it very awkward for her. But somehow this time I don't know why she agreed to meet me up. I considered myself to be lucky not to fall into the perpetual trap of infatuation-awkwardness-crush thingy. 3.Actually I invited 7 friends for the meet up, but due to inconvenience all of them turned down except for him and her. With only 3 person for the meet up I thought she might see it as an awkward hangout and turn it down too. But yet somehow she said yes.
4.She is in the middle of extreme stress of studying yet she agreed to come out for a dinner, which is actually a great sacrifice.
5. Somehow I happen to be near her place that period (and free) when she is around (probability is almost 0%)
6. His mother allowed him to go out although it's night and he is busy readying the baggage for Macau.
7. She ate at the restaurant many times b4 and probably bored of it already. Yet she still agree to go to that restaurant.
8. She wants to save money and be budget yet she choose to have a dinner outside.
9. There's another hangout 2 weeks later with more friends and she's free. She actually can skip this meet up bcoz logically, we can meet up 2 weeks later.
10. Somehow I didn't got sick that day. The night before I have a fever.
I enjoyed every moment of the dinner, don't know why. There's no awkwardness between 3 of us and we had a great time. I seemed to forgot the fact that I made her very very awkward when I sent her love letters back in secondary school days. I wish it never happened. It is like a fresh new beginning again. We talked alot and catch up with one another, sharing different interesting college-life stories. I am amazed by the fact that I am no longer the infatuated-guy, but a normal friend now. It was really a night to remember. I know I might not see both of them again in the near future. I really wanted to see her again after not meeting up for almost a year. Now that I've meet her, I don't have the pressure to have a hangout with her in the near future. In fact, when I'm back from USA in July, she is the one who made the initiative to catch up with me, to my surprise. I knew I have to meet her someday. Honestly I might not know her well enough but I think I like her attitude, her frank attitude. Probably I think too much, but I feel there is a certain chemistry coming out from me towards her.This is probably the strong feeling of infatuations, this was what I felt. With this hangout come to past, I have one less regret to face.
Yet, as a price of maturity, I learnt to give up the sweet but fake feeling of infatuation for something better. If a relationship is based on infatuation, it probably will not last long. I had the hard way of learning to put away my thoughts of infatuations. The hard way. No matter how sweet the hangout is to me, I had to deny the infatuation part and emphasis the friendship element in it. The very occurrence of the hangout is the prove that I've learnt to put away infatuations and focus on friendships. If relationships are to last, it might be as well started from friendships, true friendships.Now I have to see her as a friend, not as a long-shot-perfect-girl-of-my-dream. It's like a 5 year old kid giving up the habit of playing with toys because he understands that there are something more in the next level of entertainment. It might be hard at first, but I believe gradually it will be better for all. It's like sacrificing something small now for something better (by faith) later with long-term benefits. Yup, it's hard for me to viewed her as a normal friend and not as a crush, because deep down I know crush and infatuations lead to nowhere. They bring more harm than good. The sweet feelings they bring about are short-term and imaginary. This is a part of growing up. Can you imagine a 40 year old guy infatuated with every pretty woman he came across? That will be very ridiculous.
Anyway, I miss her a lot. I hope I can meet her up again. This might be stupid but this is what I feel. I have to go thru self denial for maturity? But I guess this is better for all. Sacrifice this part of me so that I will avoid (at least 1%) the future complications it brings.
Deep down I have massive unforgiveness to my parents. I know I am ungrateful. I shouldn't be unforgiving becoz this is not what God wants me to do. Forgiving means getting along and not holding a grudge. But that doesn't mean I will let them hurt me the same way again. No matter how imperfect my parents are, I have to forgive them for this is the will of God. They are human beings, never perfect.
The volatile, arrogant side of my dad has taken it's toll on me. I have to learn to forgive him. Sometimes I don't feel like seeing him because he is immature, full of pride/ego, and emotionally unstable. He can be a two faced person and blame others so that he can be seen as perfect. Yet, this is what family members are. We see the good and bad of each other and accept them as who they are. Someday if I have children, they might think the same way too. I just have to forgive. Only God can help me to forgive. It's all about Jesus. He forgave us even if we did really really shameful things. How much more should I forgive my parents who gave their everything in raising me up. This is just what family members do. But the flaws of my dad had a great impact which perpetuated my mind and soul. There's a scar, only God can remove it. Sometimes I wonder will I inherit his flaws when I'm in middle age? Is it possible that no matter how hard I try I will end up like him? These thoughts are hidden deep inside my mind, and I have to face it no matter how much I wanted to avoid it.
Now I understand (at least 1% of it) the feeling of missing someone. I miss my friends and host family back in USA. I also missed my secondary school friends. Somehow I don't miss my parents. I might still be in the season of rebellious against parents. I want to be obedient to them. But obedient doesn't mean missing them isn't it? Last Saturday (16 Nov 2013) I have a mini-hangout with two of my secondary school friends. It is totally a miracle that I can meet them up. The miracles:
1. Well, he is my close friend and he made the costly and long trip to go to the meet up place. (Which I thought would be impossible since he is off to Macau the next day).
2. She is my crush and I am greatly infatuated with her since secondary school years. We never actually talked to each other. But somehow she opened up and said "ok" to my meet up suggestion. It was totally unexpected because we never hangout for the very reason to be together and catching up with one another. It has been almost a year since I last saw her. In secondary school years, my infatuation had taken it's toll on me and I made it very awkward for her. But somehow this time I don't know why she agreed to meet me up. I considered myself to be lucky not to fall into the perpetual trap of infatuation-awkwardness-crush thingy. 3.Actually I invited 7 friends for the meet up, but due to inconvenience all of them turned down except for him and her. With only 3 person for the meet up I thought she might see it as an awkward hangout and turn it down too. But yet somehow she said yes.
4.She is in the middle of extreme stress of studying yet she agreed to come out for a dinner, which is actually a great sacrifice.
5. Somehow I happen to be near her place that period (and free) when she is around (probability is almost 0%)
6. His mother allowed him to go out although it's night and he is busy readying the baggage for Macau.
7. She ate at the restaurant many times b4 and probably bored of it already. Yet she still agree to go to that restaurant.
8. She wants to save money and be budget yet she choose to have a dinner outside.
9. There's another hangout 2 weeks later with more friends and she's free. She actually can skip this meet up bcoz logically, we can meet up 2 weeks later.
10. Somehow I didn't got sick that day. The night before I have a fever.
I enjoyed every moment of the dinner, don't know why. There's no awkwardness between 3 of us and we had a great time. I seemed to forgot the fact that I made her very very awkward when I sent her love letters back in secondary school days. I wish it never happened. It is like a fresh new beginning again. We talked alot and catch up with one another, sharing different interesting college-life stories. I am amazed by the fact that I am no longer the infatuated-guy, but a normal friend now. It was really a night to remember. I know I might not see both of them again in the near future. I really wanted to see her again after not meeting up for almost a year. Now that I've meet her, I don't have the pressure to have a hangout with her in the near future. In fact, when I'm back from USA in July, she is the one who made the initiative to catch up with me, to my surprise. I knew I have to meet her someday. Honestly I might not know her well enough but I think I like her attitude, her frank attitude. Probably I think too much, but I feel there is a certain chemistry coming out from me towards her.This is probably the strong feeling of infatuations, this was what I felt. With this hangout come to past, I have one less regret to face.
Yet, as a price of maturity, I learnt to give up the sweet but fake feeling of infatuation for something better. If a relationship is based on infatuation, it probably will not last long. I had the hard way of learning to put away my thoughts of infatuations. The hard way. No matter how sweet the hangout is to me, I had to deny the infatuation part and emphasis the friendship element in it. The very occurrence of the hangout is the prove that I've learnt to put away infatuations and focus on friendships. If relationships are to last, it might be as well started from friendships, true friendships.Now I have to see her as a friend, not as a long-shot-perfect-girl-of-my-dream. It's like a 5 year old kid giving up the habit of playing with toys because he understands that there are something more in the next level of entertainment. It might be hard at first, but I believe gradually it will be better for all. It's like sacrificing something small now for something better (by faith) later with long-term benefits. Yup, it's hard for me to viewed her as a normal friend and not as a crush, because deep down I know crush and infatuations lead to nowhere. They bring more harm than good. The sweet feelings they bring about are short-term and imaginary. This is a part of growing up. Can you imagine a 40 year old guy infatuated with every pretty woman he came across? That will be very ridiculous.
Anyway, I miss her a lot. I hope I can meet her up again. This might be stupid but this is what I feel. I have to go thru self denial for maturity? But I guess this is better for all. Sacrifice this part of me so that I will avoid (at least 1%) the future complications it brings.
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