Things lonely people do

I am alone. I'll be lying if I said I don't feel lonely. Here are some things that I've done, epitome of ultimate loneliness

1. eating alone
2. going to the beach alone
3. watching movies in cinema, alone
4. going to the zoo, alone
5. going to church, alone
6. shopping, alone
7. travelling, alone

damn sad weh

Why did I like her?

Why did I had a huge crush on her?

1. She is cute and lovely
2. She is sarcastic
3. She is straight forward
4. She is very smart
5. She is very hard working
6. She is kind
7. She is organized (I think)
8. She is very down to earth
9. She goes out of her comfort zone
10. She is not narcissistic

Depressed

I am very depressed. Not sure if this is clinical depression or not. Yet, I am feeling down, all the time.
My Job is not really going as well as I thought, or I hope to be, or I pretend to be for the sake of my parents comfort of heart.
I feel very useless at job. For example, something that I felt can be done in 15 min took me like 6 hours. You know how hopeless and disappointing that sounds? I disappointed everyone, especially myself.
I know God is still in control. In Church, I felt that I kena pushed in a sense that when I asked for something, they tai chi here and there, pushing the job of acquainting me with relevant groups to one and another. You might argue that I am too sensitive. yes I am too sensitive, but that doesn't take away my right in speaking up how I felt.

To make things kinda worse, I have no friends to relate to anything. I feel the emptiness with watching anime or drawing.

I know I had to be thankful for the placement. I hoped for this placement above anything else from the start of 2015. I thank God for giving me this placement, and all glory to Him. Yet I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm counting down for the days that this placement will end. Is the prize worth the price?

I feel tired, exhausted mentally. The only friend I have is my laptop. To matters even lower, I hate small talking or talking to anyone in general. Sometimes I just want to fall flat to my bed and forget about the world for a while.

I felt very very bad all the time. Social media make it seems like the world is so perfect and everyone should be happy all the time. But the truth is that sometimes it's ok to be sad or feel lonely. Everybody felt that, just not everyone will admit it openly or make no attempts to cover it.