So far all I applied, all I've worked for, it's all futile. Rejection after rejection, I wonder if it's worth my energy to try again
Again and again
I am not a planner. I am not the kind of people described in those motivation talks. To plan the dream and work towards goals. In fact, I don't have goals at all. I just live life as how it brings me. They say this kind of mindset will lead me into failure. Yes, it will. But somehow God's grace is still sufficient, more than enough. Time and Time again he brought me out. In fact, I hate planning my life, I just do my best and allow God to lead me.
Peace, Miracle, unexpectedness
This is the first time in my life that I actually plan for something to happen. Before that, it's all by miracle.
I didn't plan to go to a good school, suddenly God put me there [If i stayed on I'll not be able to thrive in a good environment]
I didn't plan to get state scholarship, God blessed me. [In fact I failed all other scholarships]
I didn't plan my life after SPM, God blessed me with an opportunity to USA [In fact if I didn't go USA, I'll be useless in Malaysia]
I didn't plan to go UK, God blessed me. [In fact if I didn't go UK, I won't learn that much in life]
It's all a bonus to me. I didn't plan, it just popped out. Praise God
Even my last summer part time job is a miracle. [I failed all applications. If I got other jobs, I don't have the flexibility and the food!]
So, what I will expect is:
1. Total failure in all job applications
2. Total envy of others getting jobs seemingly easily, And they tell me what to do :(
3. Total exhaustion and wait until last minute before something happen
4. Might not happen to have a placement, but at least I gave my best
5. It's either die without trying or die with at least a sense of morality, trying hard
Most importantly, I commit all these into God's hands. His got his plans for me. I know it for sure. May his will be done.
